He possesses the ability to reach hyperspeed. He can access Killzone mode at will. He owns guitars painted by Michelangelo -- not that guitar noob -- that guy who painted Jesus on those ceilings and stuff. With strings that can exceed temperatures of the sun, there's no doubt in our mind that John Petrucci is our God.
Finally, guitar jokes that don’t suck.
Prepare to laugh. Or cringe. Okay, probably both.
Teachers come in all shapes and sizes… and smells.
You can have any musical wish you desire…
My wife hates me now.
Warning: several guitars were harmed in the making of this video.
This guy is better than you. And he’ll tell you.
Warning: brutal pedal destruction.
PSA to non-guitar players everywhere.
Stuff in the pocket. Buckle rash. THE HORROR!
Beauty is in the eye of the shredder.
These horrors should be avoided at all costs.
Would you be brave enough to do this?
GAS is a real affliction, and there's only one cure.
Only guitar players understand these things.
The key to any relationship is communication.
Egos can sometimes clash in supergroups.
Here's a few tunes you can't avoid hearing in guitar stores.
Amazing tapping techniques from prehistoric eras are revealed.
But does i–oh... oh... I see...
Excuses to avoid playing guitar in public...
If you break this rule, you're getting thrown out.
Never judge a book by its cover...
These guitar puns are terrible, but don't fret–you'll still laugh.
Be honest. Do you REALLY practice?
What do you call someone hanging out with musicians? A drummer.
"I hate <insert guitar brand here>."
We tend to get uncomfortable around certain guitar store employees...
Ah, NAMM... the best of times, and the worst of times.
Guitar players are great at coming up with excuses.